judge[meant]

hi.

1. you wouldn't even recognize the apartment now. i'm not sure, i guess it makes me comfortable because change is progress. at least that's what they tell you to think. i fought and i spat but i pretty much just wanted to lie down and conform to what everyone else thought. i knew i could never have that with you?

2. i haven't forgotten the sunrises. that one july morning and we were seventeen, when i wanted to kiss you but never said anything. we've talked about it since and i told you my intentions back then but i still don't think you get it. not that i'm upset, i'm just fondly remembering. i'm actually pretty thankful for the way things have turned out. mostly. usually. i love you and i miss you.

c. never look you in the eye much. i'm sorry i never got to know you.

d. along the way i grew to hate you. while it was happening i idealized the situation; it was the only intimate contact i had back then. but you know, it really diseased me and i want and explanation from you. why you thought it was justifiable and all that sally jesse bullshit.

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>today, i cleaned the apartment and listened to emily haines' solo album. it's good and surprisingly mature. it does have a bit of resemblance to metric, mainly in structure. 'knives don't have your back' courts tight, calculated rhythms backed with spoooooky synths. emily haines, i'd be honored to have you as my bitch.

and things really have changed here. i'm so pleased with the way the apartment has come together. it really feels like a home. but only when it's clean. and only when sir hiss and avalanche aren't fighting. i wish they'd sniff each other's ass and get it over with. (if only you truly understood what i was talking about.)