slow incline.

it's sad that i miss dustin sometimes. he was just an interesting person to be around. it's too bad we didn't meet later in life. we could've still had some shenanigans.

i was just in the process of removing old entries from my two online journals, ones that i think aren't relevant anymore. a lot of it embarrasses me now because most of it was an obvious ploy for any sort of attention. reading all of this reminds me of how much fun i've had since moving to ottawa.

i've been feeling like my life has sort of come to a stop lately but there's a difference between stasis and static. it's slow, but i'm beginning to accept that life doesn't have to be exciting *all* the time. it sounds like a silly thing to think about but the past six months or so have really been a time of repair for me. i'm completely safe at the moment, something i'm experiencing for the first time in my life. some days i can't even appreciate the safety: i revert to old ways of thinking and wonder why everything isn't more spectacular. i take it out on mark and myself, the two things i know i will never lose. it sucks, but it usually only lasts a day at a time.

i've been playing a lot of guitar lately. i know it will never be my calling but i will always dabble in it, if only for myself. dustin really helped make it interesting for me. at the time my pride got in the way of letting him know that but the few chords and techniques he taught me have brought me a long way. it's a nice alternative to writing, something i can feel out rather than think out. but yeah. i'm working on a cover of 'professional widow' by tori amos. it sound pretty accurate and yet quite different, which i think is essential in a cover. the only thing: i know i can't sing melodiously but have already gotten noise complaints so i can no longer bellow at the top of my lungs...